Yellow Flags
When We Romanticize the Drama and Mistake Chaos for Love
The Warning Signs We Choose to Ignore
I know you know your colors. I also know you saw that yellow flag when your date was dismissive or raised their voice at you in a crowded room. Rather than checking their behavior immediately or walking out of the party and catching an uber home when he yelled at you in front of his friends. You chalked it up with a completely valid excuse. “He just didn't hear me when I said I don’t like it when he interrupts me or he was just drunk when he yelled at me at the party.” Have you ever looked back at a relationship and realized that the red flags were there all along? They just didn't look red at the time.
I must admit that I ignored yellow flags in the past. It wasn’t intentional, it was more of I didn’t know how to respond to the flags. When I was young and experienced in love and relationships I had no idea that you are supposed to pause, observe, and ask yourself questions. Like, what did I just see? How did that make me feel? Recognize that in the moment is when you make a decision and not simply move past it. If you’re not careful over time you’ll romanticize turbulence.
Yellow flags can easily get mixed up with attraction and excitement, making it easy to gloss over those gut feelings. With age you begin to recognize your feelings sooner. You can separate the excitement as just that. Completely separated it as a momentary experience rather than a depiction of reality. We stop telling ourselves stories to keep the relationship going. Stories like, but I love him or her so much. They’re just afraid that I’m going to be upset, that’s why they lied.
What happens when you have become accustomed to unpredictability and then meet someone who communicates clearly, follows through, respects your boundaries, and doesn't make you question where you stand? You might be so accustomed to trust issues, patterns of instability, disrespect, and emotional distress. That’s when at first, consistency may feel unfamiliar. You may wonder whether there is enough chemistry, whether the relationship is moving too slowly, or whether something is missing.
Learn that love is not a rollercoaster! Maybe the relationship isn't missing something just because you aren't constantly wondering where you stand. Maybe the absence of chaos is not a warning sign. Maybe it is evidence that you no longer have to fight for the reassurance, respect, and affection that should be part of a healthy partnership. Consider, if the love you've been waiting for doesn't leave you breathless from anxiety, but leaves you feeling safe enough to breathe? What if the peace you've mistaken for boredom is the very thing that allows passion to grow?” Make sure to reflect on the yellow flags you have overlooked, the stories you have told yourself, and what you want love to feel like moving forward.
Have you ever mistaken emotional chaos for chemistry, or consistency for boredom? What changed your perspective? Please comment I want to know!
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